🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?