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This year represents a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the words this generation is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks indicating a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {